I get frustrated. I get frustrated when people don’t understand freedom and liberty, but I also get frustrated when people don’t understand empathy, or lack empathy. Some people confuse empathy with sympathy, and they are two different things. From thefreedicionary.com: em·pa·thy (
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Basically, empathy means that you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see a situation from their point of view.
This comes up because people were discussing pedophiles and homosexuality. I don’t really know where to start. It truly disturbs me to see such hatred towards child molesters. People might think I’m crazy, but let me ask a question: do you usually blame the victim?
Well, let me back up for a moment, and be perfectly clear. I was molested as a young child, 5-6 years old. Most of my life has centered around the negative effects of this. I’ve had PTSD. I’ve had the nightmares, the anxiety, depression, I’m easily startled, I don’t like people touching me, and for a very long time, I had trouble being sexual with others. I still do have some issues with this. I’ve stared down into the pit of blackness. It’s terrifying being in that place. I had anger. Oh, did I have anger. I would blow up like a volcano at nothing. Sometimes, I remember who I used to be, and I’m amazed. How the hell did I end up like this? I’m fairly well adjusted. I still have bad days, and my bad days are worse than the bad days of the average individual, I would guess. It’s taken me a long time to heal from the days of staring at the wall, self harming. I have healed from the numbness.
How did I heal? It wasn’t easy, and it was a long process: I found peace. I started reading Wicca and Paganism books, and felt a peace that I had never felt before. It’s hard to explain, when you find peace after an entire lifetime of feeling none. How does one describe that? Even as a writer, I fail at this. I also found forgiveness, which came quite a bit later.
I am speaking to you as a victim. I know these feelings all too well. I have grown as a person, and moved past this. It no longer defines me. You’re a victim until you become a survivor. Those that hold on to that hatred are allowing themselves to remain victims.
Even as a victim, I maintain that child molesters deserve empathy. They especially deserve empathy from their victims. Obviously, empathy from the victim (now survivor) is the last step in the process. The healing process shouldn’t end at anger; it should end at understanding. This in no way means accepting what the person did is okay. It’s not okay, and there should be consequences for their actions (as well as therapy). Understanding is different than acceptance. Why do I say that child molesters deserve empathy? I absolutely do not believe that this evil is inherent in people. I believe that it is a symptom of abuse that was done to them as children. Perhaps not sexual abuse, but physical abuse and neglect, maybe emotional abuse. Abusers abuse, and not always in the same fashion that they were.
A valid argument is that people should have control over their actions, that even if you feel the impulse, you shouldn’t act on it. However, if we look at all the different kinds of addiction in the world, do we tend to blame them? There’s science that suggests that those who have various kinds of addictions are more psychological than physical addictions. We see this in rats. When rats are given a good environment to live in, they are far less likely to do drugs. So to bring this back to child molestation, no, people do not always have rational control over their actions when they’ve been abused in some way. Child abuse of any kind has a significant effect on the psyche, and everyone’s mind and brain reacts differently.
I understand that abusers abuse. This is why I have empathy. But why is this important? Hatred is vile. It sneaks around within yourself, and it seeps out in ways you don’t intend. When I was filled with anger, I treated the people around me very poorly. I was a horrible person sometimes. I said so many hateful things to the people that I care about, and I’m sure I’ve caused a lot of hurt. I said this in a comment, and I believe it to be very true: “hatred doesn’t make the world go ’round. Hatred creates nuclear bombs.”
The concept of hatred for lack of understanding and empathy is why we have a defunct world where we drop bombs on children from drones. It’s why we have so little freedom and liberty. It’s the why for so many things that could be improved upon if people had more empathy in general. Try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes sometimes. Ask yourself, what would cause a person to act this way? If you understand why something is happening, you can work on a solution. Operating from a place of hatred, you understand nothing. It blinds you, not letting yourself see any real solutions.
As I feel empathy for child molesters, I feel empathy for those that are consumed for hatred. I understand hate. I understand where it comes from. I also understand that the true path to helping to heal the world is through empathy, and not hatred.
Your Small Business Holiday Shopping Guide!!
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written here, but here’s a guide to holiday shopping for small businesses. There’s been a huge push for people to shop for the holidays at small businesses in the last couple of years, and I couldn’t be happier!! So with no further ado, here are some super awesome businesses with high quality items for your loved ones 😀
At savoryscentscandles.com, you can find my handcrafted candles and bath and body items! New this year, you can purchase exclusive subscription boxes, which you can find out more about here. There’s always other items too! Don’t hesitate to contact me regarding payments in Bitcoin!
Temptation Island, 4oz, $5
My friend Iris is the proprietor of Singing Tall Grass, an organic business. She makes amazing soaps, lip balm, candles, sugar scrubs, and more, 100% organic!!
Pistol Smoke Gray Eye Shadow, 3ml, $5.95
Bergamot Hemp Soap, 6.25oz, $3.95
My friend Marica makes some very lovely jewelry, cards, and other items! I want so many of her items that I’m having a hard time deciding what I want in trade! You can visit her shop here.
Very Chainy, 31-34″, $22
Hot Cocoa Infinity Scarf, 6′, $14
My friend Lisa makes some exquisite jewelry that I can never get enough of! I have so many of her pieces, but I always crave more and often wish I could buy all her stuff! Visit Lisa’s Little Luxuries!
Glass Drop and Rhinestone Inclination, 18″, $18
Rose Hips in Gun Metal, 1 1/4″, $11
My friend Roxanne hosts Terra Mater, a lovely herbal shop that’s both online and a little shop in Greenville, IL. She sells herbs and spices, and various other earthy goods like essential oils.
My friend Jillian makes the most amazing candy I’ve ever tasted in my life. I’m craving it as I write this!! You can visit her at statelesssweets.com. Her caramels CANNOT be beat!! Her toffee is to die for, and the peanut brittle is the best I’ve ever had.
Salted Honey Caramels, 40 caramels, $11
Chocolate Fudge, 8oz, $9
My friend Ketlyn is involved with Fandom Cosmetics, an awesome company that makes nail polish and other products inspired by favorite TV shows and movies. I honestly wish I could buy all the polishes…maybe some day when I’ve got more monies! Haha!
Ten Second Car, 15ml, $8.50
Stay Dreamy, 15ml, $8.50
Do you have a small business you’d like to promote, either yourself or a friend, let me know, and I will add them!! Have fun shopping!!
Honey & Chocolate 