I wrote a post about love being fluid and polyamory, and a friend messaged me that monogamy and traditional values still have their place. I can understand that. Yes, it is up to each individual what works for them, and then be with partners that share your views. And be honest with yourself and others. You have to dig in deep, and really think about what your values are. Do you really think monogamy is feasible? Can one person be your everything for the rest of your life? Because another value of consensual nonmonogamy (that many poly people have) is that one person can’t possibly fulfill everything for you, everything you need in life. Different people bring different aspects to your life. Honesty first with yourself and the people around you is so important.
But does this really need to be said? Do we really have to vocalize a caveat? Or can’t we just have conversations expecting there to be exceptions and the “this doesn’t always apply” card? There are all kinds of memes floating around about this being the day and age that everyone is constantly offended over everything. Some topics I can agree are offensive, like rape jokes and racist jokes, and “jokes” that attack a group of people or person. But I can’t tell you how often in conversations people will say, “But that’s not always the case!” Well, of course that’s not always the case. We don’t live in a world of absolutes. Even science can change, and that is a beautiful thing. Things are in a constant state of evolution, and change, and there are almost always exceptions to the rule.
A while back, I offended my aunt by saying something negative about Christianity and Christians. I said something about so much hate coming from Christians in regards to the LGBTQ community, and she took it personally. I felt deeply saddened that she did so, and I didn’t mean for it to be a personal attack. I was only making a general statement about what I’ve personally seen and heard. But I had to continue to qualify my statement by saying it’s not personal, and giving examples of the kinds of horrible things Christians have said, and most definitely in a religious context. I still feel bad for offending her, but is this the world we live in? We can’t call out bad behavior in a general manner from our own perspective for fear offending someone? Obviously, not EVERY Christian is hateful towards gay people. However, the most hateful comments I have ever seen towards gay people have come from a Christian, and absolutely saying them in a religious context. I am not lying about my experiences, and I should be able to say that.
I really shouldn’t have to qualify everything by following up with “but not everyone is like that” or “but not everything is like that.” And neither should anyone else. It should just be assumed, to be honest. I really don’t think it should be mentioned. We should just carry on the conversation, trying to find root causes and solutions. If we spend so much time qualifying this, and trying not to offend, we aren’t going to get anything done and we won’t carry the conversation forward; instead it will be hung up on this little insignificant thing.
All images found via Google image search.
Honey & Chocolate 